Beth says: Uhm Uhm. No Title

Beth says: Uhm Uhm. No Title
It was in the march of the winter I turned eighteen
That I bought those blades
I thought I would need
And I wrote a letter to my family
Said "it's not your fault
And you've been good to me
Just lately I've been feeling
Like I don't belong...
Like the ground's not mine to walk upon"
And I've heard that music - Echo through the house
Where i just sat ... By myself
And I sat watching a flower, As it was withering
I was embarrassed by its honesty
So I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face
Not this fucking wreck
That's taken its place

So please forgive what I have done
No you can't stay mad at the setting sun
Cause we all get tired, I mean eventually
There is nothing left to do but ...

But spring came bearing sunlight
Those persuasive eyes
So I gave myself a few more days
My salvation it came, quite suddenly
When she spoke very plainly
She said "Of course it's your decision,
But just so you know,
If you decide to leave,
Soon I will follow"

I wrote this for a baby
Who has yet to be born
Her first child ..
I hope that womb's not too warm,
Cause it's cold out here
And it'll be quite a shock
To breathe this air - To discover loss ...

Life's a story book, Loves an excuse to get hurt ...

Can't stop thinking that everything must belong somewhere .. Where do i belong,

I can never understand the emotion of a hand waving goodbye, the last glance of a loved one not looking back ..

And when you cry .. Do you like who's inside .....
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# Posted on Friday, 27 June 2008 at 5:07 PM
Edited on Tuesday, 01 July 2008 at 2:21 PM

Look Through The Windows And See Paradise ..

Look Through The Windows And See Paradise ..
The definiton of perfect can be sorts of emotions, feelings the way she can make you feel ..
How does that feeling come about,
Why am i so scared about being human, she told me to take her hand to not be afraid, i am not afraid .. I have her i can't be - we argued over the stupidest reason, i dispise myself for it, why did i react that way ? Those things she said in terms of joking why do i get so stupid in facts that i make up thinking they're true comparing what i thought she meant instead of what she said ..
Why do i look up to the sky for answers, when all that happens i control, We look up everynight wondering wishing .. Hoping - i wished for her everyday since i can remember, i perfect girl a perfect smile she's just my perfect dream ..
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Sitting here now and all i want to do is say i'm sorry, and for you not to say it's fine - i don't want anything from you i gave you my heart you gave me your smile,,,, i can't help but stare at the beauty of you .. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, they also say all is fair in love and war - how is war fair, who ever is coming up with these remarks in the basement of their grandmas house needs to stop think and ... Move along .. I can see alot of life in you .. I see loads of bright in you make me feel lovestruck at 2 o'clock in the morning, i wont hang up on you, i hate stupid arguments *cough* shhh silence in the library of souls in the waiting room... Rolling on a lonely highway .. If i had to leave would you come ? If i had to runaway would you take my hand to the end ...? There is no end i'm with you till the end ..
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All these years one by one girls fell into my empty heart they'd stay there for a day or two .. I'd say i don't about my feelings so i'd never have to say those three words .. And a name .. A name that starts with "B" and ends with me completely devoted to you .. This name .. I don't know what has become of me you look at me with big bright eyes .. i do have blue in my eyes come closer, see them you look inside me, while they were talking about souls do i believe i couldn't believe in what i had never experienced knowing her is like finding myself and i don;t want to go anywhere without her again .. I've sen what love does to people and never liked it i hated it my whole life all of 18 naive years with my head in the sand .. I don't know how she's put this spell on me to make me see only her truthfull never lies i can't i wouldn't i don't know anymore because i only know i want her ...
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Of subject now talking about perfect so you see it can be described in a way that every fact sounds imaginable, So really perfect is an emotion along with love, .. You know what i'm getting at .. All i see is you sitting at the train station waiting for someone very special to you . "the guy of your dreams" you told me this made me melt with you i can't look at you without smiling, upon that hill i stand looking out onto the world wondering thinking and hoping, nearbye you take my hand .... This is perfect .. .. .. ..


You are perfect <3..
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# Posted on Thursday, 19 June 2008 at 4:52 PM
Edited on Thursday, 19 June 2008 at 5:04 PM

Take A Good Hard Look For The Very Last Time - Only Took A Second To Say Goodbye !!!!

Take A Good Hard Look For The Very Last Time - Only Took A Second To Say Goodbye !!!!
She's Like A Cafe Girl - Walking Through Lines Off Faces - People Just Bore ..
-
Compared To Her ...
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Hahaha don't be stupid how can you compare anything to her - She makes me feel like the worlds collide when she says my name .. my name .. My stupid name she utters makes me shake and go bubbly inside, How can you describe how someone can make you stand up in the rain not care about anyone or any pain,
She's amazing .. like the one - i just love her not i'm kinda done ..
-
But wait more .. surely not go on and on and on like and uncut book .. _
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Night time comes with feelings mixed,
I wanted to drown myself in my pillow ..
What was i heading for .. How is this that she's saved me from myself ..
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Chance again and again she just stands there saying "i'll give you another chance" swear jars have more use than how many times i've begged her to say that
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Afraid now that she'll get bored walk away and find someone else in a new day
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Not knowing what the future could bring all i know is that i can conquere anything with you in my hand ...
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How can someone make you feel this way - knowledge is power but not knowing is bliss,, forget all that and hear this ..
I love herr because she's not just one of those girls ..
I joined the dead poets society for her.. ran to the clifftop house .. Scribed into the tree and wrote next to her initals
" BH + SNT <3 "

Clifftop House in Orange County CA the sun sets over newport harbour i'd look into her eyes tell her i love her .. and she's just smile and call me cheeky ... xx
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# Posted on Monday, 09 June 2008 at 3:58 PM
Edited on Wednesday, 11 June 2008 at 6:17 PM

I Think I'm Dreaming Out Loud ...

There's alot up above - But don't worry .. Who needs actions when you've got words ... !!!
-
Keep free-- of negative thoughts, everything'll be fine

It's like a whirlwind of emotions that occurs when moms and dads fight
It's like when she grins, an emotion of hers
That holds your arm, and grabs tight
Hurl him into the ocean, one of them cold sweat heat flash types
But extreme fluctuations and temperature changes ..
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You know it's all about you, i can't help it can't stop it -
Just come to say hello, after the race
To let me know that you enjoyed the show
Meet me-- ...
.... at the fork in the road where lost souls get indecisive
Remember at the crossroads meet me there .. so I can have someone to walk into the light with ..
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I'm tired of failing tired of being nothing.. i was left in the road while the weather darkened and rained upon me ..
Why though ?? You with your umbrella took my hand showed me the light told me not to be afraid .. i told you to come closer so you did .. electricity was experienced and you grabbed me in a way where i now know i never want to let go ..
But damn i let you down i'm sorry - Forgive me ?? how idk .. i lied to you i promised i know i'm sorry .. yeah you know .. i've said it enough times doesn't mean anything to anyone still you look at me with your bright eyes .. i feel like i'm going to die - i can't help this feeling of mine towards you making me want to know that you're always mine ..
How did i do this though there must be some kind of spell girls like you don't usually stick around too long oh well .. how to deal?? idk .. i look at her and all i feel is love ....
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The pillars that once held up my clifftop house have been taken out.
I'm in my last days now. There's a change coming soon.
I just want to crawl back now
I need a comfort zone,
But obviously I need to find another home
To call my own...and always return to
And I want it to be you !!!

I sit and stare, think a lot and never sleep,
Creating memories to remember and then I forget to eat.

I had a dream i went to the street you used to live on, staring at the bedroom window of your old home
With puppy eyes...waiting for God to throw me a bone.

I'd settle for one more goodbye kiss while I settle for less
I'm unsettled at best. Sulking while abandoning settlements
Insulting my companions intelligence...conversing with baby talk
Playing with mind games. Rehearsing with playful thought.

Its the way we fought that made my blood bubble then turn cold,
When you made me walk through rain and mud puddles down a dirt road.
It left me so messy
Forget me..

Not ??

I'm Afraid I Love You

Forever yours ...
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# Posted on Wednesday, 04 June 2008 at 3:30 PM
Edited on Wednesday, 04 June 2008 at 3:44 PM

It's Time To Re-Think Every Fact That's Imaginable ..

It's Time To Re-Think Every Fact That's Imaginable ..
Everyone mistakes, pain do's is a lost road
Going place to place faking moves but your car's sold
Going gold with a fool's heart?
I'd rather be a fool with a heart of gold
Lose my breaks and save my truth till tomorrow
Remember when I'd hate it if my beautiful scar showed?

->>*Looking To The Moon Up In the Sky Thinking Of YOU Wondering Why*<<-

If I could have been there from the beginning if I could be there right now
if I could promise to be there when you need me, would it raise an eyebrow?
How would your body be different if I still dropped by for visits?
Is it my place to put a smile on your face?
Could I erase your body language telling you its all been said before?
Or change the words you wrote, exchanging your scars for my metaphors?
I'd add them to my collection while smiling
Next time you want to paint with razor blades and need a canvas use my skin ... This is all about you " .. "

>>>I Hurt Myself today - To see if i still feel, try to focus on the pain, the only things that's real, What have i become my dearest friend, Everyone i know .. turns away in the end<<<

Hiding your sins well, but I see the hell that your limbs speak
Tongue in cheek Lying awake in bed while other kids sleep
The strength of evil begins to keep your grins weak
No matter the length of the needle
marking up one's body is so much more than skin deep !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Feel the pin prick The grim reap what they sew and you're trained to say that you're fine
Your threshhold for pain is greater than inside
While i get cut in the lines that THEY make YOU wait in ways that they can't see
If there's a vacancy as far as room in your life goes,
say it to me But i do it with a knife under my clothes
Because the anguish of hidden skin is letting my ghosts be shown
Plus the language its written in hits especially close to home
I'm most alone when I'm out of touch with the people who feel this type of pain
You might just aim for a day that its raining to strike a vain to take my name in
Changing your uniform and altering your mind set
Has your pointer finger decided if it was a fault of his or mine yet?
>BE*TH<333333333------=====$$$$
And it is repetitive when the kids head in the direction of evidence
proving the pain and hurt is relative
>>><T<H<333333333
All this pain and hurt is relative...

-

Little Miss Rodez ... >>>

I didn't tell anyone about what I seen or heard that day, mum's the word still
I'm scared to plant ideas into your head while your rebellious side is fertile
Hurdles are getting knocked down
I'm running a losing race
She's an amazing girl with a sad concience .. Leave her alone let her live - don't try to stalk her with that bad advice you give !!!!
Still you try still she listens, she loves you asshole wont you ever listen !!!
She hears it, She trys solving the worlds problems as she flys by my window to make sure i'm fine, Why does she try and try and try to make me see sense even when i've given up i've given up on my concience, she's just a fairy with broken wings i used to watch her perform but now she sings songs that just send me right back to before the beginning .. When they used to love and he'd care for her, but now things are all switched round and she lost her way .... You're my sister you know that - here for me no matter what, helped me through times where i couldn't see the light, Just powder your nose, and lift your head ....
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# Posted on Friday, 30 May 2008 at 6:57 PM
Edited on Sunday, 01 June 2008 at 8:24 AM